The Study in More Detail

Pure Sex, Great Sex

Discovering God's Best for Marriage

book cover Introduction: In light of changes in our culture, the idea of sexual purity has taken on a negative connotation. In movies, television, music, books, and advertisements we are encouraged to follow our emotions wherever they lead. Generally, the church emphasizes purity before marriage; however the married sexual relationship is largely ignored. The Bible has much to say about married purity because God cares very much about your married sexual relationship. Here the student examines some of her own reasons for taking this study, her satisfaction in her sexuality, and her hopes for growth.

Chapter One. Your sexuality matters to God. The Bible gives us five clear reasons that God cares about married sexuality: 1. As the creator of human sexuality, He should know how it is best expressed. 2. Sexual expression has unique power in human lives, both for good and for evil. 3. The married sexual relationship is a direct reflection of God’s relationship with his people. 4. God wants us to express His holiness in every area of our lives, even marriage. 5. The married sexual relationship plays an integral role in the health of the human family.

Chapter Two. Married Sexuality is best expressed in an environment of mutual exclusivity. This concept is well defined by the two-fold command of Malachi: Guard your heart. Remain loyal. Students explore the concepts of exclusivity and commitment as they pertain to every area of sexuality in marriage. Then readers confront the ways our culture encourages women to use their sexuality to manipulate, control, and take advantage of the men around them. Students reflect on their own issues with flirting, dressing, work issues, competition with men etc. Discussion begins on pornography.

Chapter Three. This chapter discusses the many weeds that may prevent our married sexuality from enjoying its most fruitful expression. Many of these issues may come from our culture: Male best friends. Romance Novels. Mental battles. Our sexual past. Love hunger.

Chapter Four. Here students explore lies perpetrated from our environment, both Christian and cultural. These include: Only beautiful women win the best men. The media tells the truth about sexual expression. My spiritual obligation is to submit to sex, whether I enjoy it or not. If my husband sins sexually, it’s my fault. My husband must be my best friend. Students are encouraged to think critically about the messages they hear around them, judging those messages by the truth of scripture.

Chapter Five.This chapter discusses sex and the difficult marriage. Here students learn why sex is so critically important to a man and learn about the role of oxytocin and bonding. We consider why emotional satisfaction and sexual expression are so intimately connected for most women. Students consider the wisdom of professional help, and discuss ways to prioritize the healing of difficult marriages.

Chapter Six. This chapter focuses on the skills couples need to navigate difficult issues, emphasizing the benefits which result when only one partner begins to change the “relationship dance.’ Students learn about the concept of the love bank, and work on conflict resolution skills, including fair fighting rules, responding to the “opening salvo,” building a strong skill base, and finally cultivating inner contentment.

Chapter Seven. The Rich Harvest. In this chapter students face some of the big enemies of a satisfying sex life, which include exhaustion, silence, a critical heart, an unhealthy body, boredom and lack of focus. Suggestions are given for solutions for each of these difficulties. In addition, questionable concepts are discussed, including self-stimulation. Students are reminded that good sex makes a good marriage better.

Chapter Eight. In this chapter students confront inhibitions that might impede sexual exploration and enjoyment. A Biblical discussion of shame precedes a frank discussion of sexual practices including oral and anal sex. Students are encouraged to openly re-think their inhibitions, identifying their origins and reconsidering their veracity.

Chapter Nine. The Body Betrayed. In this chapter students consider the many ways that aging or illness (including cancer, obesity, diabetes etc.) can interfere with healthy married sexual expression. In addition to offering suggestions, this chapter encourages young couples to be vigilant about guarding their health in order to maintain a lifetime of healthy sex.

Chapter Ten.In this chapter six women volunteer the intimate details of overcoming catastrophic developments in their marriage. The subjects covered include domestic violence, pornography addiction, sexual addiction, sexual affairs and one story of a marriage grown ice-cold. Told from the wives’ point of view, these stories reveal the agonizing pain of forgiveness and the long journey toward restoration. But they also give God glory for his kindness, direction and healing. Each story shares some common denominators giving hope to women who have a marriage that is “less than perfect.” No matter where you are today, there is hope. God can renew all things.

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